(no subject)

[somedaybitch]

in a convo with pualaridesagain, i realized that i'd written something pretty close to my philosophical bent, and i think i want to share it here. i'm interested in the thoughts of the flist regarding, you know, life, the universe and everything.

everytime the holidays come around, or someone gets married, or meets someone new, or i overhear a conversation between a friend and their mate, i get hit by this ache. like it's this dead spot on my soul that nothing can heal.

and i wonder what the fuck i've done with my life. and then the other part wonders what i expected, as if, to be considered worthy of having lived this long, there's some, *thing* that i should have done by now that would make it not wasted. but what is that thing? is it married? is it kids? what is it? and why isn't who we are and where we are *right now* good enough? i mean, tangentially, there's a time parameter, being female, if one of those things we wanted to accomplish was having children, and so i think that sort of spreads itself out to be more all-encompassing than it should be. the older we get, the more those digs from our moms hurt about "a man" and "grandkids", implying that we've failed in our daughterly duty [and that it makes us suck somehow as humans].

i believe that life is the journey, not because i'm not where i want to be and i'm seeking to rationalize, but because i think that *no one's* [ever] where they really want to be if they're honest with themselves, and i don't think that's failure. i think it's just, you know, life.

i believe we're on a journey for a reason. i don't necessarily think the reason is some THING, you know, some seminal EVENT that we were MEANT to accomplish or whatever, but rather [that it's] the interactions, the people along the way, the growth that we hopefully achieve....like, i dunno, reincarnation whilst living or something.

the mistakes are how we learn, hopefully, and the loves are what feed our souls if we stop to pay attention. if, slowly, over time, we finally quit making the same mistakes and move on to new ones, then those experiences weren't wasted. if, slowly, over time, we realize that each love, each relationship, each human connection [no matter how short-lived] helps form and shape us into something better, then *none* of that was wasted.

and if, at the end of the day, we can remember and *believe* any of the above, then that was a good day.

Comments

[spiderbaggins.livejournal.com]

Sis,
Like I said before, what you say here is true.

Life is a Journey. We all know the end point. It is the journey that matters.
If you find yourself going down the same path find a new one, be it a new hobby you never thought of, a new coffee house to sit and relax in, a new night club you've walked by a hundred times but never thought of going in to. Walk up to someone you don't know and say HI. Make new paths. Make new friends. Who knows, maybe that person sitting alone at the table next to you or on the park bench next to you may be your new best friend (or more). Someone needs to take that first step.
Mistakes happen. Learn from them and move one. Make more mistakes. Have fun doing them.

There is a song that contains that idea that the first time I heard it I say "OMG that is what I was thinking".
Good Riddence (The Time of your life) by Green Day It hit me so hard that first time that I cried.
Lyrics behind the cut.
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
The down and dirty of the song to me is
have the "best time of your life" because you only have one life. In the end when you look back hopefully from above) you can say I HAD FUN. I HAD A GOOD LIFE.

Life changing event behind the cut Last month I went to Leadership Training at Rapport International. http://www.rapportleadership.com/
They do teach leadership skills, but what they really do and what thier ultimatel goal is is to let YOU dicover how to make yourself a better person. You learn to look into yourself and find you faults (barriers). Learn from them. Break those Barriers and move forward. In the leardership vein of the training you learn that leaders make choices, right or wrong, they make them. You realize that that is the same for you to be a better person. You come to a point you need to make a decision.....make it. If it was "right" GREAT, If it was "wrong", learn from it and move it.
Now the big thing they went through is to LIVE YOUR DASH. For those that are not familiar with THE DASH POEM here is the link to the movie.
http://www.thedashmovie.com/
The one Trainer gave a powerful presentation on living your dash. She said that she doesn't want her headstone to say something like "Here lies ****** she left us too soon." What she wants it to say is "Here lies *****, She was all used up." She wants to live her life, her dash, to its fullest and that when she dies, she want to have nothing left, that she LIVED HER DASH to the fullest.

I believe that we can just "get by" in life by floating on a raft in the river of life
OR
We can make life what we want it to be by swimming up stream, riding the rapids, swimming all over the in the river of life.

I want to be happy. I want to be loved.
I know I am because I have my family. I have my friends.
I love you all. You know who you all are.

Sis you rock.
And as I said before too.
The next time Mom give you crap for not giving her grandkids tell about all the sex you are having in the attempt to give her those kids.
MWA HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHA

HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[spiderbaggins.livejournal.com]

Oops, sorry I messed up the lj-cut

[wishkey.livejournal.com]

Thank you for putting it out there -- You put how I feel exactly into words. We are both surfing the same wave, it seems.

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

:::shares her Mr Zog's:::

[wishkey.livejournal.com]

sweeeet.

[pualaridesagain.livejournal.com]

and who sets these standards that we're being held up to anyway? Why do we feel this deep dissatisfaction over something so intangible?

Some things sometimes just make me crazy. Crazy like 'you wouldn't know what crazy was if Charles Manson was eating froot loops on your front porch.' crazy.

Stupid that we have to keep fighting to be happy, when it should be so easy.

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

sing it, sister.

[itsazoo.livejournal.com]

I used to grieve not being part of a couple. Sometimes, I still feel a twinge. I think your understanding of "coupleness" is more realistic than mine, since I've never been married and had to go through the disappointments, disillusionments etc. I see marriage or at least involvedness as a total solution to loneliness, of having to do everyhting myself, make every descision (sp. I never seem to get this one right) In short, I'm not at all realistic about relationships. Sort of Prince Charming, etc. and this is begging for a rude awakening.LOL I'm content now, with my singleness, for the most part. My only caveat is, and I don't think it would apply to any one here, is not to settle for someone because you think he might be your last best chance. I almost did. I look back and thank myself for waking up in time to see the handwriting on the wall before I got married and regretted it.

Happy Holidays to one and all!

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

I see marriage or at least involvedness as a total solution to loneliness, of having to do everyhting myself, make every descision (sp. I never seem to get this one right) In short, I'm not at all realistic about relationships. Sort of Prince Charming, etc. and this is begging for a rude awakening

society has had a LOT to do with conditioning people towards that belief/expectation, and i personally believe that it's a huge contributing factor to divorce. we put such unbelievably unrealistic expectations on our partners that no human could possibly meet, and then we vilify them when they inevitably fail. it's hard to unlearn what you've been conditioned to believe.

I'm content now, with my singleness, for the most part. My only caveat is, and I don't think it would apply to any one here, is not to settle for someone because you think he might be your last best chance. I almost did. I look back and thank myself for waking up in time to see the handwriting on the wall before I got married and regretted it.

:::high fives you::: and that's a tough call to make, because on the one hand you don't want to be alone, but on the other you don't want to settle.

[bexxa.livejournal.com]

*no one's* [ever] where they really want to be if they're honest with themselves, and i don't think that's failure. i think it's just, you know, life.

Well said. I think so, too.

Wherever we are, whenever we are, however we are, this is a data point on our larger path, and it's part of how we're going to get to where we're going.

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

this is a data point on our larger path, and it's part of how we're going to get to where we're going.

*nods*