somedaybitch

for my first ever fic challenge, sponsored by TheDevil and Her Minion at

dealers_choice. deadline, schmeadline.

the challenge:

"take another hit
let the bottle slip through your fingers and
break like a promise made
the day I remember
my heart I will keep
my voice I surrender
and I will not speak to lie
we were so alive"

the disclaimers:

yadda, yadda, yadda, NBC Universal, yadda, yadda, not my characters, yadda yadda. archive this without permission and i'll cheerfully break your fingers.

the rating:

"they have clothes on"

the details:

spoilers through 1x01. 1000 words and change. cross-posted at dealers_choice and bsg_creative

Earlier:

Kara watched him from the cockpit of her viper. The way he didn’t move. His vacant stare. When he finally allowed the ground crew to draw him gently from his ship she opened her canopy.

“I’ll take that, sir.”

The voice was so very far away. She closed her eyes for several long moments then tried to shake it off. “What?”

“Your helmet, sir. I’ll take it.” It was Tyrol, trying to keep the shock and pity from his eyes, and failing.

“Thanks, Chief.” Her voice didn’t sound like her own, hoarse and weak. She climbed onto the wing of her viper and scanned the landing bay but she couldn’t see Lee anymore. “Chief?”

Tyrol looked up from his visual inspection of the outside of her ship.

“CAG?”

The chief indicated a direction with his chin. “On the horn with Combat, sir.”

Kara found Lee a moment later, forehead leaned against a support on the opposite side of the landing bay, phone clenched in his hand. “No sir.” He sounded so tired. “No, Commander, I know. I…don’t.” She watched the knuckles around the phone turning white. “Yes sir.” He hung up the phone with exaggerated care, breathing in deeply.

“Apollo.” She hated how needy she sounded.

He turned around in what felt like slow motion to her. “Lieutenant.”

She sucked in her breath like he’d hit her. She was about to get a fracking lecture?

“When I give you an order, you follow it without an argument.” His voice was soft but there was no mistaking the anger in it.

“Lee…”

He stepped into her space, cut her off with a look. “I'm the CAG, Lieutenant. I speak, you obey. We’ve had this conversation.”

Feeling betrayed and confused, Kara gave in to her own grief and anger. “Don't take your father out on me, Apollo.” She saw the sudden jerk of his arm, knowing he’d just checked an urge to hit her.

“Get.off.my.flight.deck.”

He bit off each word, jaw muscles clenched so tight his mouth hardly moved.

That drained her completely. She didn’t know how it had gotten so fracked so fast. All she’d wanted was to tell him she was sorry, that he wasn’t going through it alone…that the Cylons had done it, not them…Gods, not them. She wanted to take him in her arms and just hold him. No words, no issues, no history. Her own pain was mirrored so clearly on his face, but as usual, he wouldn’t let anyone in. Or maybe just her.

Kara couldn’t keep her eyes from welling up but she refused to look away. He could fracking deal with it. “Is that an order, sir?”

His shoulders dropped at the defeat in her voice. He closed his eyes and sighed. “Starbuck--“

She hated how vulnerable she was to him, how his opinion mattered so fracking much to her.

“Get some rack time, Lieutenant,” he paused, managing a weak smile. “That’s an order.”

Later:

Lee stood under the pounding heat of the shower feeling the tension in his back begin to ease, willing it all away - the Cylons, the Olympic Carrier, Zack's death, his father.

"Don't take your father out on me, Apollo."

He bounced his head gently against the shower wall. "Good job, Lee."

He took refuge in the steaming water for another long moment, shaking his head at his own selfishness, then finally turned the shower off and grabbed a towel. Wrapping it around his waist he moved to his locker and got dressed, careful to avoid looking in the mirror. He rubbed the towel through his hair, ran his fingers through it absently and then went looking for Kara.

Her bunk was empty.

Lee checked the card game in the officer’s mess. No sir, they hadn’t seen her. No sir, they had no idea where she was. Yes sir, Starbuck missing a card game was odd.

Why couldn’t she just follow a fracking order and be where he needed her…he stopped. Mentally backing up, he tried again. He wanted to apologize to her. Other than his father, he didn’t know anyone that could push his buttons like Kara. She’d struck a nerve in the landing bay. She always struck his nerves. He stubbornly refused to wonder why.

Lee realized he was walking aimlessly and stopped, crossing the corridor to pick up a phone. “Combat, CAG”

“Yes, sir?” D’s voice was calm, professional. It grounded him.

“Have you seen Lt Thrace?”

“No, sir. I can page her for you, Captain.”

His stomach clenched at the thought. “No…no...thanks, D."

He hung up the phone. Where the frack was she? In a moment of vague panic he checked the landing bay for her viper. He frowned at his sense of relief that it was still there. He watched an alert patrol land, finding a pilot's comfort in the hum of the engines. The engines. He shook his head, wondering how many more times he was going to be stupid today. Today? Frack, it was still yesterday to him. One never-ending day from hell.

Lee found her in the astronomy dome, high above Galactica's engine room. He opened the floor hatch slowly and climbed through, guiding the hatch down gently. Kara had her back to him sitting on the floor, knees drawn tightly to her chest. She made no move at his entrance. He sat down on the floor behind her, slightly sideways so he could see at least part of her face. On the ground near her feet was a bottle of ambrosia, half full, and a nearly empty glass.

"Starbuck."

Nothing.

"You're not sleeping."

"Captain wins a prize."

He smiled.

"So you thought you'd get drunk?"

She moved finally, refilling her glass and taking a long drink.

"Yup."

She set the glass back down and curled up again. Lee started to reach out his hand to her but stopped.

"I..."

"Do you know what I would give for two years with my dad? Two years that weren't fracked to hell?" She paused, clearing the emotion from her voice with another slow pull of alcohol. "You had him and you wasted it."

"I know."

"You need to fix it, Apollo."

"I know."

They stayed like that for what felt like hours. He watched the tears fall silently down her face until he couldn't just watch it anymore. He moved forward, resting his head and one shoulder against her back with a sigh.

"Got another glass?"

She handed back the bottle. He laughed softly and took a long drink.

"This'll work."

--