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Apr. 23rd, 2006 09:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
somedaybitchyou know what? can i get a re-do on this entire fucking day? thanx.
i'm the worst daughter ever. seriously. talking to my mom just takes everything out of me that i have. she's so much bloody work. everything's a conspiracy, everyone's out to get her. half the time it's true, but it's so complicated by how badly she communicates stuff, leaving shit out, not remembering who she told what, that i can't tell half the time. and then she just harps on shit ad nauseum and i find myself left with no patience whatsoever. after a phone call to her, my jaw is killing me.
to wit...the dentist debacle? yeah, it's not done. apparently the dentist says he did the crown work that the appointment was for and billed the insurance, who then billed her. right. so that's insurance fraud. fabulous. she's bitching about it and i'm like, so go to a new dentist for fuck's sake and find out if you really had the work done instead of moaning about what an asshole the guy is. CHECK, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. so, finally she makes an appt, it's for wednesday, except that she's still totally bitching about it even though she doesn't know for sure. "i'm suing him, one way or the other." fine, mom. call an attorney. "he did the work while i was out instead of calling the police???!!! how dare he??!!!" no, mom. he thinks you won't remember and billed his insurance company because apparently he's suddenly an asshole after being your dentist for 15 years. go figure.
i told her i'd call the local pd to get a time of the 9-1-1 call from the dentist's office to help her, but the supervisor's on vacation, so naturally i can't give my mom a fast answer and that pissed her off.
and then of course her back's still jacked up and she needs another surgery, but her gp doesn't think she's strong enough - she told me it was up to her surgeon, and i'm like, but mom, he said it was up to your gp, and she comes back with an angry "how do you know?!", uhm, cuz i took you to the appt? - so you know, more draHma because of the delay. it's got to suck for her, losing her mobility, still not being recovered from the whole heart-stopped thing. i can't fault that and i don't know how i'd handle it were that me. it's the utterly victimized behavior that she insists on engaging in that i can't deal with. i just don't have it.
i wish that i could just suck it all up and call her all the time, and be a sounding board for her, but i just can't. i know myself too well. i don't have the patience for her and she ends up making me so angry and then i snap at her, which, you know, totally defeats the purpose. i wish i could get myself to go out there more but she doesn't just let you off with one thing, it's this thing and that thing and oh i need this done and how come you can't fix that and why can't you take me here, and here, here, here, here, and here, and why aren't you married again and i'd really like a grandchild...and i just don't have the energy. if i let her, she'd use me into the ground. part of me thinks but isn't that what family's for, being there for each other, and the other knows she'd use me if i let her because that's how she is. because that's how it was for her family. since i've put my foot down about doctor's appointments and such, she's had to suck it up and ask her brothers, who have *always* offered but she's refused, because *i'm* the daughter so it's *my* responsibility not anyone else's. to that i say codswallup. their busy isn't any more important than my busy and she can share the wealth. and the kicker? my brother would move his ass back here in a SECOND and take care of her, because nothing would make him feel more useful, but she keeps telling him no. and holyfuck that pisses me off.
so yeah. cranky again. i call a re-do.
i'll be in the corner trying to write fic about angsty spies.
i'm the worst daughter ever. seriously. talking to my mom just takes everything out of me that i have. she's so much bloody work. everything's a conspiracy, everyone's out to get her. half the time it's true, but it's so complicated by how badly she communicates stuff, leaving shit out, not remembering who she told what, that i can't tell half the time. and then she just harps on shit ad nauseum and i find myself left with no patience whatsoever. after a phone call to her, my jaw is killing me.
to wit...the dentist debacle? yeah, it's not done. apparently the dentist says he did the crown work that the appointment was for and billed the insurance, who then billed her. right. so that's insurance fraud. fabulous. she's bitching about it and i'm like, so go to a new dentist for fuck's sake and find out if you really had the work done instead of moaning about what an asshole the guy is. CHECK, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. so, finally she makes an appt, it's for wednesday, except that she's still totally bitching about it even though she doesn't know for sure. "i'm suing him, one way or the other." fine, mom. call an attorney. "he did the work while i was out instead of calling the police???!!! how dare he??!!!" no, mom. he thinks you won't remember and billed his insurance company because apparently he's suddenly an asshole after being your dentist for 15 years. go figure.
i told her i'd call the local pd to get a time of the 9-1-1 call from the dentist's office to help her, but the supervisor's on vacation, so naturally i can't give my mom a fast answer and that pissed her off.
and then of course her back's still jacked up and she needs another surgery, but her gp doesn't think she's strong enough - she told me it was up to her surgeon, and i'm like, but mom, he said it was up to your gp, and she comes back with an angry "how do you know?!", uhm, cuz i took you to the appt? - so you know, more draHma because of the delay. it's got to suck for her, losing her mobility, still not being recovered from the whole heart-stopped thing. i can't fault that and i don't know how i'd handle it were that me. it's the utterly victimized behavior that she insists on engaging in that i can't deal with. i just don't have it.
i wish that i could just suck it all up and call her all the time, and be a sounding board for her, but i just can't. i know myself too well. i don't have the patience for her and she ends up making me so angry and then i snap at her, which, you know, totally defeats the purpose. i wish i could get myself to go out there more but she doesn't just let you off with one thing, it's this thing and that thing and oh i need this done and how come you can't fix that and why can't you take me here, and here, here, here, here, and here, and why aren't you married again and i'd really like a grandchild...and i just don't have the energy. if i let her, she'd use me into the ground. part of me thinks but isn't that what family's for, being there for each other, and the other knows she'd use me if i let her because that's how she is. because that's how it was for her family. since i've put my foot down about doctor's appointments and such, she's had to suck it up and ask her brothers, who have *always* offered but she's refused, because *i'm* the daughter so it's *my* responsibility not anyone else's. to that i say codswallup. their busy isn't any more important than my busy and she can share the wealth. and the kicker? my brother would move his ass back here in a SECOND and take care of her, because nothing would make him feel more useful, but she keeps telling him no. and holyfuck that pisses me off.
so yeah. cranky again. i call a re-do.
i'll be in the corner trying to write fic about angsty spies.
