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Dec. 23rd, 2006 06:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
somedaybitchin a convo with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pualaridesagain, i realized that i'd written something pretty close to my philosophical bent, and i think i want to share it here. i'm interested in the thoughts of the flist regarding, you know, life, the universe and everything.
everytime the holidays come around, or someone gets married, or meets someone new, or i overhear a conversation between a friend and their mate, i get hit by this ache. like it's this dead spot on my soul that nothing can heal.
and i wonder what the fuck i've done with my life. and then the other part wonders what i expected, as if, to be considered worthy of having lived this long, there's some, *thing* that i should have done by now that would make it not wasted. but what is that thing? is it married? is it kids? what is it? and why isn't who we are and where we are *right now* good enough? i mean, tangentially, there's a time parameter, being female, if one of those things we wanted to accomplish was having children, and so i think that sort of spreads itself out to be more all-encompassing than it should be. the older we get, the more those digs from our moms hurt about "a man" and "grandkids", implying that we've failed in our daughterly duty [and that it makes us suck somehow as humans].
i believe that life is the journey, not because i'm not where i want to be and i'm seeking to rationalize, but because i think that *no one's* [ever] where they really want to be if they're honest with themselves, and i don't think that's failure. i think it's just, you know, life.
i believe we're on a journey for a reason. i don't necessarily think the reason is some THING, you know, some seminal EVENT that we were MEANT to accomplish or whatever, but rather [that it's] the interactions, the people along the way, the growth that we hopefully achieve....like, i dunno, reincarnation whilst living or something.
the mistakes are how we learn, hopefully, and the loves are what feed our souls if we stop to pay attention. if, slowly, over time, we finally quit making the same mistakes and move on to new ones, then those experiences weren't wasted. if, slowly, over time, we realize that each love, each relationship, each human connection [no matter how short-lived] helps form and shape us into something better, then *none* of that was wasted.
and if, at the end of the day, we can remember and *believe* any of the above, then that was a good day.
pualaridesagain, i realized that i'd written something pretty close to my philosophical bent, and i think i want to share it here. i'm interested in the thoughts of the flist regarding, you know, life, the universe and everything.everytime the holidays come around, or someone gets married, or meets someone new, or i overhear a conversation between a friend and their mate, i get hit by this ache. like it's this dead spot on my soul that nothing can heal.
and i wonder what the fuck i've done with my life. and then the other part wonders what i expected, as if, to be considered worthy of having lived this long, there's some, *thing* that i should have done by now that would make it not wasted. but what is that thing? is it married? is it kids? what is it? and why isn't who we are and where we are *right now* good enough? i mean, tangentially, there's a time parameter, being female, if one of those things we wanted to accomplish was having children, and so i think that sort of spreads itself out to be more all-encompassing than it should be. the older we get, the more those digs from our moms hurt about "a man" and "grandkids", implying that we've failed in our daughterly duty [and that it makes us suck somehow as humans].
i believe that life is the journey, not because i'm not where i want to be and i'm seeking to rationalize, but because i think that *no one's* [ever] where they really want to be if they're honest with themselves, and i don't think that's failure. i think it's just, you know, life.
i believe we're on a journey for a reason. i don't necessarily think the reason is some THING, you know, some seminal EVENT that we were MEANT to accomplish or whatever, but rather [that it's] the interactions, the people along the way, the growth that we hopefully achieve....like, i dunno, reincarnation whilst living or something.
the mistakes are how we learn, hopefully, and the loves are what feed our souls if we stop to pay attention. if, slowly, over time, we finally quit making the same mistakes and move on to new ones, then those experiences weren't wasted. if, slowly, over time, we realize that each love, each relationship, each human connection [no matter how short-lived] helps form and shape us into something better, then *none* of that was wasted.
and if, at the end of the day, we can remember and *believe* any of the above, then that was a good day.
