super sekrit note to ash

[somedaybitch]

"[Forgiveness]...it's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it."

- Giles

Comments

[boofadil.livejournal.com]

and to add to that...forgiveness isn't so much for them as it is for you. as AFD's sig says, "resentment, is like taking poison and hoping that the other person dies..."

forgiveness is the act of releasing that resentment. it doesn't mean that their actions were ok, or good, or right, or that you weren't hurt or even that you trust as easily the next time, it just means that you let go of resentment and bitterness so that everyone can breathe and move on. it's still very, very hard.

*hugsash* and *hugsT*

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

:::hugs you back:::

[boogieordie.livejournal.com]

::huggle::

Thanks.. I'm sitting here crying..

I just forgive people, who did something to hurt me right after that, and I just feel like I set myself to be hurt by forgiving them at all. It's just ::sigh::

[thevaliumsofalj.livejournal.com]

I just forgive people, who did something to hurt me right after that, and I just feel like I set myself to be hurt by forgiving them at all. It's just ::sigh::

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you forget what that person did, that you excuse their behavior, and/or that you no longer hold that individual accountable or responsible for their actions. To do that would be folly for you and, if you're a friend, bad for them, because somebody has to hold them responsible for their shit, or else they'll keep on doing it - not only to you, but to others in their lives.

There's a 12-step definition for insanity that I really like - "The true definition of insanity is doing the same things and expecting different results." In fact, you should remember what they did and try to avoid reliving that experience, so you don't have to forgive them again.

Ultimately, the one thing to know is that you can't change others, but you can change your reaction to them.

::::hugs::::

[simplystars.livejournal.com]

listen to the others, for they are wise... and now here is my not-as-nice two bits.

forgiveness, when truly meant, is a relief to the soul of the person who forgives, and can bring solace and comfort to the one forgiven.

but forgiveness, when spurned or used as a tool against the kind-hearted individual, does not have to be extended again. once bitten, twice shy, and all that. it doens't mean you should hold a grudge against them, either--swiss army Dave is right about resentment--but it means you don't have to extend yourself to be hurt again just because someone expects you to, or says you should.

your heart is a precious thing, and your love is a precious gift. if someone doesn't value that, then they don't deserve it. unfortunately, it still hurts. :(

*hugsyoulots*

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

forgiveness, when truly meant, is a relief to the soul of the person who forgives, and can bring solace and comfort to the one forgiven.

ayup. the former part of that statement being the key. you forgive because it's good for *you* also. hate, anger, bitterness, those are all emotions that have to be fed. so don't. forgiveness doesn't mean you have to be all buddy buddy and everything is groovy and back to normal with someone. it means that you don't harbor the collateral crap that comes with *not* forgiving.

[lvp3.livejournal.com]

"Forgiveness doesn't mean that you forget what that person did, that you excuse their behavior, and/or that you no longer hold that individual accountable or responsible for their actions."

She's exactly right. That's not your job. Forgiveness can also make you feel better because you're not holding onto your resentment and bitterness toward that person. You have the right to be cautious around them in the future, and I would hope you will. Don't trust them too easily again. Baby steps. You've got to learn in what ways you can trust everyone. If you don't trust someone to be reliable, then don't ask them to feed your pets while you're away, etc.

Be strong, baby bear. (hugs)

[boogieordie.livejournal.com]

That's true.. at least I'm not obsessing over all the crap like I was earlier.. even if it all ended up being exactly the same in the end.

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

it's a hard thing sometimes to accept the people that you love/like/kick it with for just what they are. that's a very adult concept. the notion that folks are just folks and are flawed and you love them anyway. ;)