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somedaybitchso, the bitter's back, which means i can start working on 610 again. for some odd reason, i get a wicked case of writer's block for LFN without it. i figured out the storyline a while ago, and i think i've got the character arc subplots squared as well, but i couldn't find the words because i couldn't feel the, i don't know, pain maybe? their world is so compromised, so fragmented and lost, so, politely devastated. if i wasn't tapped into that somehow the dialogue just rings hollow.
the bitter's early this year, i think. normally it doesn't start until july. it took me years to figure out what it was too. not until my not!anniversary date in August would i figure it out in the past. and actually, bitter isn't the right word exactly. i don't honestly know what to call it as angst doesn't quite cover it. huge, gaping maw might be more accurate.
it's not overwhelming by any means, as most days out of the year the force fields seem to hold well. but somewhere around my birthday and the second week of august it rears its head, angry at having been dismissed for so long.
i don't know that i'd ever realized so fully that i was tapping that maw, crawling down into it, to channel the characters until they'd stopped hurting, stopped mercilessly manipulating each other, started acting nice. better than the regime under Ops and Maddy is one thing, warm and fuzzy is something else entirely. it's still Section One, and it's still fucked up. the choices still need to be hard, the emotional fallout ugly.
the nature of the beast can't change, but sometimes it can be soothed.
the bitter's early this year, i think. normally it doesn't start until july. it took me years to figure out what it was too. not until my not!anniversary date in August would i figure it out in the past. and actually, bitter isn't the right word exactly. i don't honestly know what to call it as angst doesn't quite cover it. huge, gaping maw might be more accurate.
it's not overwhelming by any means, as most days out of the year the force fields seem to hold well. but somewhere around my birthday and the second week of august it rears its head, angry at having been dismissed for so long.
i don't know that i'd ever realized so fully that i was tapping that maw, crawling down into it, to channel the characters until they'd stopped hurting, stopped mercilessly manipulating each other, started acting nice. better than the regime under Ops and Maddy is one thing, warm and fuzzy is something else entirely. it's still Section One, and it's still fucked up. the choices still need to be hard, the emotional fallout ugly.
the nature of the beast can't change, but sometimes it can be soothed.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-19 12:49 pm (UTC)some people write. i travel. i lose myself in other cultures and other realities. i just haven't lost the bitter. tdr
no subject
Date: 2005-05-23 04:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-01 05:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-06-06 06:47 am (UTC)