hee. she's my hee-roe

[somedaybitch]

FEISTY AND STRONG, PRINCESS LEIA ONCE INSPIRED GIRLS; CLEARLY, SHE DIDN'T TAKE AFTER MOM
By Gina Barreca


The one female character with a speaking part in the latest and last ``Star Wars'' film does exactly two important things: She gets pregnant and dies. That's it. I never thought I'd say this, but I really miss Carrie Fisher.

``Star Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith'' (a title with the unhappy effect of making everyone who discusses the movie sound in desperate need of speech therapy) has the one female character say things such as ``Hold me, Anakin. Hold me like you did on Naboo.''

That's how you know the movie is science fiction: On this planet, if you ever say things like that to men, they run away so fast they leave skid marks. What else does she say? She says, in a moment of great turmoil, ``You've changed!'' This is what she whines when she notices her love interest becoming the Prince of Darkness, the Embodiment of Evil, the Vessel of the Dark Side of the Force. I use stronger language when my husband says I should use more garlic in the sauce. If I should ever notice that my husband's eyes were becoming radioactive, as do the eyes of the spoiled, grumpy boy-hero Anakin Skywalker, I might speak a little more firmly.

Certainly Fisher's Princess Leia would have used a less pleading, less wimpy tone. As I remember, Leia not only kicked butt (sometimes quite literally), but also had some terrific lines. She was an active, crucial, irreplaceable part of the trio of triumphant characters, right alongside Han Solo and Luke Skywalker. She was, in fact, the smart one in that group. Leia didn't whine and snivel like Luke, and she was smart enough to choose Solo instead of her brother.

Apart from having bagels over her ears, Leia seems to exercise good judgment.

For example, when Solo pats himself on the back by announcing, ``Not a bad bit of rescuing, huh? You know, sometimes I amaze even myself,'' Leia instantly replies, ``That doesn't sound too hard.'' Embodying the wit of Dorothy Parker and the timing of Mae West, the original ``Star Wars'' babe had a feisty, sexy, competitive, complex personality that made a whole generation of little girls want to be her when they ran the galaxy. Who wouldn't want to be the one with the punch line in the following exchange?:

Solo: ``Look, Your worshipfulness, let's get one thing straight. I take orders from just one person: me.''

Leia: ``It's a wonder you're still alive.''

When little girls want to be the new heroine, Padmé (the name sounds like a new line of bras), what is it precisely they'll be doing?

As far as I can tell, she gets knocked up, pops out twins like English muffins from a toaster and then expires, like a carton of old milk.

The reason Padmé dies, according to the droid doctors who look after her during childbirth, is that ``she has lost the will to live.''

Believe me, if women dropped dead every time they lost the will to live, they'd be sweeping out the bodies from the TJ Maxx dressing room on an hourly basis during bathing suit season. (To clarify: Women do not die because we lose the will to live. We drop because we get inadequate health care, with inadequate funding, and because a lot of us have to choose droid doctors approved by our HMO health care plans. Do I sound bitter? Oh, just hold me like you did on Naboo . . .)

Padmé is neurasthenic, weird and passive -- an annoying character. Not a lot of action for an action-figure character -- and yet there is indeed an action figure available: a lady with skinny legs, a gun, and an untucked blouse obviously symbolizing advanced pregnancy (her gestation period being about three weeks -- Padmé gets those twins ready for birth quickly and without the addition of any unsightly pounds). Skinny, armed and pregnant: This is the effect of 40 years of the women's movement on American cinema.

And this isn't getting at the larger issue: that the simple presence of the feminine in Anakin Skywalker's life is the catalyst for his turn to the Dark Side. It is because Skywalker falls in love with Padmé that he goes all weak and evil. So I guess the Roman Catholic Church, John Milton's ``Paradise Lost'' and Rush Limbaugh are all proved correct -- it's women who plant the seed of disharmony and cause the wreckage of masculine community. Terrific.

I'm tired of heroines being dead. I'm tired of martyrdom. I'm tired of self-sacrificing, pretty broads. And I'm tired of being coerced into feeling sorry for the men who cause their deaths.

GINA BARRECA (gb@ginabarreca.com) is author of ``Babes in Boyland: A Personal History of Co-education in the Ivy League.'' She wrote this article for the Philadelphia Inquirer, where it first appeared.

and lemme repeat this part because it's just the bestest ever.

And this isn't getting at the larger issue: that the simple presence of the feminine in Anakin Skywalker's life is the catalyst for his turn to the Dark Side. It is because Skywalker falls in love with Padmé that he goes all weak and evil. So I guess the Roman Catholic Church, John Milton's ``Paradise Lost'' and Rush Limbaugh are all proved correct -- it's women who plant the seed of disharmony and cause the wreckage of masculine community. Terrific.

ya think George has issues with his divorce still? hmmmm.

Comments

[boofadil.livejournal.com]

that's awesome, yo.

i was particularly fond of

Believe me, if women dropped dead every time they lost the will to live, they'd be sweeping out the bodies from the TJ Maxx dressing room on an hourly basis during bathing suit season...

snerk

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

was that not frakkin hysterical?

[life-on-queen.livejournal.com]

*lol*

I don't think I can choose just one part of this article to love but this -- "I use stronger language when my husband says I should use more garlic in the sauce. If I should ever notice that my husband's eyes were becoming radioactive, as do the eyes of the spoiled, grumpy boy-hero Anakin Skywalker, I might speak a little more firmly." -- is certainly up there.

ya think George has issues with his divorce still? hmmmm.

Never say it. *blinks innocently*

Not to mention that he's the father of two daughters: you'd think he'd want to give them better female characters to root for...

[arthurfrdent.livejournal.com]

hhhmmm, sounds like someone forgot to proofread the alleged script... Leia aside, what happened to the Padme of II? You know, the one who took charge to try and rescue Obi-wan, even if it was a 'damn fool idealistic crusade?' The one who got herself out of the chains, took gouges across the back, and fought well against droids... fell out of an attack craft, but got right up and ordered another and took command of the squad? Oh, that one...

playing devil's advocate, I'd say that if George had problems with divorce [at the end of empire is when it happened, yes? or did it happen again since? If I was a 100 hour a week workaholic making movies, I wouldn't get married unless my partner was part of the process like PJ, but that's IMHO] there wouldn't have been any positive women at all. I'd use occam's razor to just say that the movies are too big and complex for anyone to do all on their own, and sadly george didn't figure that out yet and maybe never...

[somedaybitch.livejournal.com]

George has issues with chicks and capitalism. Occam has nothing to do with it...although Freud may.

[lvp3.livejournal.com]

tee hee I <3 this journalist. :)